He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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