Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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