i just google imaged poop.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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