the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
try to milk me bitch
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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