covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Duck Duck Cougar?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
