Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
