..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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