I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
