If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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