i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
