So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
