so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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