Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
