I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
