I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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