I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
