im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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