my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The beer is more important than you right now.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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