Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
