It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
