I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
