walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's like iHOP with fire
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
