We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
