can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
