do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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