I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
