Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
