And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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