if you like me you must not know who I am
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize