just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What a dumb baby whore.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
