i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
