I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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