Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this boner is exhausting
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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