She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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