Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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