So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
