I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
