well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
