oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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