omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish you could order shots online.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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