I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
