What a fucking waste of an outfit
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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