not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
no, he came in my armpit
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
bring money and cleavage
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
