His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
