Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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