she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
