I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
