I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
