Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
