Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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