: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
