i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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