my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
