it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
