The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
