my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
is it fun? or sober?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
