Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize