So drunk, too bad you don't want this
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
