I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
