Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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