I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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