Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
