winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
