You're completely useless in the revolution.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
