sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
