Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
