You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he had hair everywhere except his balls
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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