I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
