no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
