Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
