My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
