you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
