Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
