just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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