Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
