My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
