i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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