Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize