Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
