I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
