You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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