im about as happy as oj after his trial
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
