last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Someone shattered a urinal.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
